It's been over a year since the last time I posted here and I've been joggling a lot of blogs lately but then I remembered, maybe it's high time I go back and do a serious blog entry again and where else to post that than here.

Where basically random thoughts just seem to pop up...

As I look back to where I was a year ago, I remember all the stress of thinking about my OJT requirements and if we were going to pass our THESIS or not. And now, what am I worried about? The result of an English exam that will either make it or break it for me to study abroad which requirements I have been putting off as of late in doing.

I guess, the title still hands up there. What am I going to do next?

In all honesty, I am in the middle when people asked am I happy. I am but I am also not. I hate being stuck in a routine but yet I am in my current life. I hate being ordinary, I hate having a planned schedule although most personality tests say that I am a well-organized person (believe me just see my table and you'd say the result was invalid).

Semester break is coming up and I never thought I'd be able to experience something like that again bit here I am. I don't have work when there is a suspension of classes. I live about 10 minutes away from where I work. And I'm the last person to leave the house but the first to return. And I earn my own money which I spent twice as fast.

I'm also a very sick person who hides the fact that she has heart palpitations and migraines from her parents. I am on steroids everyday and I am slowly turning into a walking bowling ball.

Plus the fact that I am turning 21 this Saturday is really no big deal at all.

That's probably the stressor of this blog entry. Or the fact that I was just in a writer of a mood tonight. Well we still got tonight (pun for the current song playing in my Itunes from Matthew Morrison). And then we have Avril's Complicated. :)

I'd better conclude this before I start ranting or prolonging your agony because you are just curious and want to see how this ends.

What is the next step? The next step is to close this laptop, get into bed, maybe read a few pages of the current book I am reading, update Twitter one last time for the day, close my eyes and relish the sleep and rest. Because tomorrow is another day, is another challenge, is another round of life and we will never know what it has in store for us.

(I do have an inkling in the image of a 3rd grader who makes my blood boil because he is such a spoiled brat but never mind that.)

So if you are at the cross roads and do not know what to do, take a deep breathe and rest for a while because God knows, you've earned it.

We had to take this very long (240) test regarding our characters for my Positive Psychology class. The results of the test highlight what character strengths an individual has. All in all, I think there are about 21 character strengths defined by the test. But our professor just told us to get the top 5 strengths that we have.

I wasn't surprised when Spirituality and Religious made it to my top 5.

I'm a Catholic. Born, raised, grew-up in a very Catholic environment. My mother side, who lives in Quezon City, was named Most Outstanding Christian Family in the Philippines two years in a row. I hear mass every weekend (may it be Saturday's anticipated mass or Sunday mass). I pray the rosary every day. I pray novenas for Our Lady of Perpetual Help and St. Jude as well for the Sacred Heart of Jesus. I wear a scapular. I go to confession during Lent, Advents and as much as I can. I practice fasting and abstinence during Lent and participate in our provincial procession in Lipa, Batangas. And I have loved my Catholic experience from day 1.

Before, I wasn't really doing it because of my faith. I went to mass and I prayed because my parents told me too. That all changed when I became a delegate for the 4th World Meeting of Families that was held here in the Philippines back in 2003. I was the youngest delegate from our school and it was the best experience of my life! I got to meet delegates from other countries and other parts of the Philippines. I met Bishops and Priests from around the globe and the best part of it all was I learned a lot of things about being a Catholic.

After that, I guess my faith in God strengthened. I saw the Catholic practices in a new light. It helped a lot that my best friend was very active in our Youth Ministry in the parish beside our school and I was able to attend prayer meetings. My mother side is very active in the Legion of Mary where I am also an auxiliary member. I was part of the Catholic Action in high school, being part of the Lector and Commentators as well as the Music Ministry.

I totally lost track of this blog because I basically just blabbed about my Catholic experience which I think was not the point of the Character Strength activity which my friend my made. (I'm guessing I won't use this for that anymore). But through contemplating it over, I love the Catholic practices I have been emerged into. These are traditions that have withstood the test of time and are still being done today. Sure many people would say that Catholics are conservative pigs who hate change but I don't and my family doesn't either.

Catholics and Catholics for a reason. I'm not conservative as well. I agree with some provisions with the RH Bill. I am not against those people who love each other regardless of gender. What matters in the end is I believe in God, and I believe in His love for us.

At the end of the day, the question is, what do you do with what God has given you? How do you repay God for His love? What do you do?

I'm sorry but I cannot voice this out anywhere because it will be subject to people's scrutiny if I post this in Facebook or in Twitter so I have no where else but here.

I'm a coin when it comes to issues concerning the Student Government of my university, one main reason is because I am also part of the student media office, the school paper and I need to be unbiased when it comes to issues.

My boss in the Student Government is really a guy you can rely on. I've known him for how long and I know sometimes he has his head set out for him but I know he genuinely wants to help his fellow Lasallians, but sometimes he does go out of his way so that he will be remembered but there is still the desire to help people. It's not his fault his party is such a load of douche bags and gits. My boss stayed in school yesterday night because other students got stranded. We had a meeting and he ended it early so that we could all get home safely and I knew he was going home. That's why it was a surprise to me that at around 10 pm he was still in school.

His actions were for the flood victims. Not for your blue and yellow ideals, it was for La Salle and La Salle alone.

On the other hand, how could my boss let this happen. Why did he allow himself to be used like this for the campaign of his party? It's just down right disgraceful because hello! It's not about you guys! It's about everyone else who is suffering due to the weather.

It's really just disgraceful. Other people are out there suffering and we are here sharing about how a person gave my post a box of pizza because of a job well done. Well FYI, he's job is not yet done.

I want to thank my boss for what he did and at the same time tell him to ask people to take it down. Be humble. We all know what you did, we don't need to broadcast it. The right people know already so just stop it.

I arrived home, stressed and mad because the Internet was acting up again.

I resorted to the broadband my sister which is now technically mine because she doesn't use it, owns. And for a while, my computer wasn't the extended part of my body.

I actually watched two movies with my mom who was sick today. Both were romantic films but also were just as good as Sherlock Holmes anyway. :)

I also managed to get my homework done.

What striked me the most, was how I was able to actually leave the front screen of my laptop and do something else. Like fix my file case, get some stuff done actually, watch a movie...all the things I've been missing because I've been far too hooked into the internet.

Now that the internet miraculously fixed itself, I'm its slave once again. But I'll be looking forward to the weekend, were I will be in Tagaytay, somewhat away from the buzz of the Internet and actually having a STOP experience, looking at things that actually do matter in a sense, things that are beautiful and not stressful...just like the things I still have to do.

kai-Out!

My day was absolutely brilliant...until we got home.

My mom saw this bank statement or documents or whatever...and it dawned on me that there are certain financial issues that I thought were way past weren't at all.

My mood dove from that point. I don' really know what happened but then I started thinking about the future again and how I have no clue what it is at all, what my future really is.

And then I got all these selfish thoughts on how I was giving up my dreams just to work and help my parents with all there problems. And to other selfish things...

I isolated myself from my family really tonight...and got to thinking to myself.

That is really a freedom to cherish when your mind is just to you and you just rant and answer yourself because the answers just suddenly pop out.

And it did.

As I was getting ready to take a shower to clear my head, it just dawned on me what the right thing to do was and God really does have a sense of humor when it comes to these things. He especially cheered me up with my playlist because He really just answered me with it. :)

I really do not believe in coincidences. I am the 'everything happens for a reason' person. What happened tonight just reaffirms all those beliefs.

What struck me most tonight is how He showed me that even if I am facing something alone, I have people to cheer me on, who will never let me give up and fail. It just got my heart when they all gave me words of encouragement and I just can't help but cry at all the things I've experienced for the past half hour.

I am truly grateful for what I have and whatever happens now...happened because there is something more to it.

Technically it's tomorrow but maybe I really need to prepare myself already.

School is back on tomorrow. For most people, it was today. I, on the other hand, school starts tomorrow.

I did go to school today for a while to fix my sections. Now I'm taking Cognitive Psychology under a good teacher who I've had before. Down side, I have to wake up very early just to be sure I get to his class on time.

I haven't really written a worthy blog entry for quite some time now. I've always rushed it, never really thinking about writing but was more fixated on updating this with an entry for each day of the year (which never seems to happen for the past three years this blog has been up.)

My last third term in college starts tomorrow and well the issue of the future came up again and I find myself more confused than ever about it. What do I do after college? What will my job be like? I said I wanted something out of the ordinary, something adventurous but those aren't practical at all. There's imaginative, I need to be realistic.

But in the end, I'd rather be poor but imaginative than rich and realistic.

I guess what brought this up is tomorrow. Start of the final third term of my life...I guess I'm just scared...terrified. But again who isn't.