I arrived home, stressed and mad because the Internet was acting up again.

I resorted to the broadband my sister which is now technically mine because she doesn't use it, owns. And for a while, my computer wasn't the extended part of my body.

I actually watched two movies with my mom who was sick today. Both were romantic films but also were just as good as Sherlock Holmes anyway. :)

I also managed to get my homework done.

What striked me the most, was how I was able to actually leave the front screen of my laptop and do something else. Like fix my file case, get some stuff done actually, watch a movie...all the things I've been missing because I've been far too hooked into the internet.

Now that the internet miraculously fixed itself, I'm its slave once again. But I'll be looking forward to the weekend, were I will be in Tagaytay, somewhat away from the buzz of the Internet and actually having a STOP experience, looking at things that actually do matter in a sense, things that are beautiful and not stressful...just like the things I still have to do.

kai-Out!

My day was absolutely brilliant...until we got home.

My mom saw this bank statement or documents or whatever...and it dawned on me that there are certain financial issues that I thought were way past weren't at all.

My mood dove from that point. I don' really know what happened but then I started thinking about the future again and how I have no clue what it is at all, what my future really is.

And then I got all these selfish thoughts on how I was giving up my dreams just to work and help my parents with all there problems. And to other selfish things...

I isolated myself from my family really tonight...and got to thinking to myself.

That is really a freedom to cherish when your mind is just to you and you just rant and answer yourself because the answers just suddenly pop out.

And it did.

As I was getting ready to take a shower to clear my head, it just dawned on me what the right thing to do was and God really does have a sense of humor when it comes to these things. He especially cheered me up with my playlist because He really just answered me with it. :)

I really do not believe in coincidences. I am the 'everything happens for a reason' person. What happened tonight just reaffirms all those beliefs.

What struck me most tonight is how He showed me that even if I am facing something alone, I have people to cheer me on, who will never let me give up and fail. It just got my heart when they all gave me words of encouragement and I just can't help but cry at all the things I've experienced for the past half hour.

I am truly grateful for what I have and whatever happens now...happened because there is something more to it.

I don't know why....I just don't know why I am making such a big deal of the 9th year that he is in heaven.

Before, this day was an ordinary day. Sure it was his last here on Earth but today, this year, this 9th time something is different.

Maybe I'm just pitying myself because of stress in school...

It's just this August 26, 2010 is different from the past 9 August 26 that my brother has been dead.

Something is different about today that I feel I just should write about it.

I meant the title above. Everything I am today, a fan of Anime and a lot of other boyish stuff is all because of my brother. He introduced me to all of this, so if there is someone to blame for me being childish most of the time, it would have to be my brother.

Reached a mental block here. Something is really different this 9th year. Is it really because of the bad news I got earlier today? Or is it because it is also the last day of the term? I really don't know.

I mean, I can't even remember what happened last year on this day....

But I clearly remember what I was doing at any given time exactly today, 9 years ago.

Why am I making such a fuss about today? Why am I such making a fuss about my deceased brother on his 9th death anniversary?

Maybe its because I got used to the fact already that we are really 4 in the family and not 5... Is it because of that?

Do I blame him for what I received this morning in class?

Am I scared that he'll suddenly show up and scold me for all the things I have promised but never did?

All I know is I am making such a big deal about today and I really don't know why...

It's actually a big relief writing all this down. I don't know if I want people to actually read this or not but I will post in anywhere I want to...

I do miss my brother. I wished we had more time together. I'm envious when I hear my friends talk about how close they are with their older brothers, how even if they tease each other, they still love spending time with one another.

Maybe that's it...I can't really remember having a brother figure in life and I wish I could but it was such a long time ago. I miss having him around. Someone to goof of with. Someone who can drive me wherever I want....but I highly doubt Kuya Ricky would do that.

I'm making such a big deal of today that I don't even know if I want this day to end or not.

All I know is today is the 26th of August. A lot of people are celebrating their birthdays, a lot of my friends are celebrating their birthdays. My family is celebrating his birthday in heaven.

Exactly 9 years ago today, my brother died. I don't even know the cause of death but I don't care. He had Bone Cancer. He was 15 when he died.

He died without any of us near him. He was on his bed, in his room, all alone.

And what i truly and utterly know. What is true, what is a fact....is that I miss him and I love him.

(This one along with "Chritsmas at Asian Hospital" was meant to be a one blog entry but I decided to seperate them so that who ever reads could really focus on the two holidays.)

2008 ended not that well for me.

After spending christmas at Asian, I thought I could spend the New Year's at a relative's house or even our own house. But bad luck came on the 29th of December as I was admitted at the Parañaque Doctor's Hospital.

I was there up until January 2009.

Well at least I was awake when December 31, 2008 ended and we entered January 1, 2009. I even wanted to eat but as it turns out there were no more food left. I had a great view of the fireworks from my hospital room window, so it wasn't as bad as Christmas.

I didn't go to sleep right after, I watched Pirates of the Carribean (spell check?).

My stay there wasn't really that bad, I mean that's where I learned that I passed La Salle so it was great.

I was looking forward to Christmas this year. One, because it would have been my last christmas party at my high school and of course it's the most wonderful time of the year.

Would you believe the unthinkable happened. On the 19th of December I was admitted to Asian Hospital because of high fever and the possibility of Dengue.

And of course when you have dengue only light colored foods were approved to be eaten by the patient. That was a nice Noche Buena only white meat and nothing else.

I missed the oragnization party at my school and other activities at that time. And would you believe, I was asleep even before 10 p.m. on the Eve of Christmas.

But I was grateful that I could go home the next day, thanks to my parents (asking the hospital to discharge me )

Well we all know that the month of may is the month for mothers. Since we celebrate mother's day in this month.

In my family it has a double treat because not only is it mother's day for the month of may it is also the month of my mom's birthday.

And since it is my summer with nothing to do, I accompanied her throughout her birthday leave in the office.

So basically I hanged-out with my mom for 8 weekdays. You'll never imagine how tirying that was. Each day was a different place as the other.

Yes it was exhausting to go to malls but it was fun.

Through out those days, I hanged out with my mom. I could say that she is my best friend. Why? Well one is we tease each other very often.

I had fun finishing my summer hanging out with her.

The Month of May, when it ends it means to all students that school is just around the corner.

Oh well at least it ended with a bang.

This was written on March 24 but thought on March 23.

I was checking the family email inbox when I came across a letter given by my godfather in the states. It was the usual letter that if you read it then make a wish after you have sent it to many people it will come true. But it was different in a little way, the subject read that if you "Read It and Your Phone will ring". So I tried it out. I thought that it will finally prove that this kinds of letters are idiotic. So i answered the questions and I think there was a prayer and a story, so then there were instructions that I had to send it to some people. Then at the last it said, "A Person You Know Will Call". Of course I thought it was rubbish but the Phone rang.

I was dumbfounded! It was my mom who called.

I am not saying that I believe this letters especially the one that if you don't send it you will get haunted or bad luck. But this one letter intrigued me. I forgot what it was because our computer had to be reprogrammed because of a virus so the email was deleted. But what I want to say that there are really things we can't explain and that we should just let it be.