I don't know why....I just don't know why I am making such a big deal of the 9th year that he is in heaven.

Before, this day was an ordinary day. Sure it was his last here on Earth but today, this year, this 9th time something is different.

Maybe I'm just pitying myself because of stress in school...

It's just this August 26, 2010 is different from the past 9 August 26 that my brother has been dead.

Something is different about today that I feel I just should write about it.

I meant the title above. Everything I am today, a fan of Anime and a lot of other boyish stuff is all because of my brother. He introduced me to all of this, so if there is someone to blame for me being childish most of the time, it would have to be my brother.

Reached a mental block here. Something is really different this 9th year. Is it really because of the bad news I got earlier today? Or is it because it is also the last day of the term? I really don't know.

I mean, I can't even remember what happened last year on this day....

But I clearly remember what I was doing at any given time exactly today, 9 years ago.

Why am I making such a fuss about today? Why am I such making a fuss about my deceased brother on his 9th death anniversary?

Maybe its because I got used to the fact already that we are really 4 in the family and not 5... Is it because of that?

Do I blame him for what I received this morning in class?

Am I scared that he'll suddenly show up and scold me for all the things I have promised but never did?

All I know is I am making such a big deal about today and I really don't know why...

It's actually a big relief writing all this down. I don't know if I want people to actually read this or not but I will post in anywhere I want to...

I do miss my brother. I wished we had more time together. I'm envious when I hear my friends talk about how close they are with their older brothers, how even if they tease each other, they still love spending time with one another.

Maybe that's it...I can't really remember having a brother figure in life and I wish I could but it was such a long time ago. I miss having him around. Someone to goof of with. Someone who can drive me wherever I want....but I highly doubt Kuya Ricky would do that.

I'm making such a big deal of today that I don't even know if I want this day to end or not.

All I know is today is the 26th of August. A lot of people are celebrating their birthdays, a lot of my friends are celebrating their birthdays. My family is celebrating his birthday in heaven.

Exactly 9 years ago today, my brother died. I don't even know the cause of death but I don't care. He had Bone Cancer. He was 15 when he died.

He died without any of us near him. He was on his bed, in his room, all alone.

And what i truly and utterly know. What is true, what is a fact....is that I miss him and I love him.